So far, most of my blog posts have been pretty positive, mostly light hearted and fun. That’s because Desheng Darling keeps us laughing with the goofy things she does. She’s a hoot. But sometimes, she says things that really touch my heart and bring tears to my eyes. Last night was one of those times, especially since her 4th birthday is just around the corner.
DD was looking at a picture of me with a friend in New York. She asked, “Where am I in the picture? Was I in the car waiting or something?” I replied, “No, I think that picture was taken before you were born.” After a long quiet pause, she looked up at me and said, “No one was there when I was born, so I cried.” Not really knowing what to say I said, “Oh, I am sure that there was someone there when you were born.” She looked up at me with her deep brown eyes and asked, “Were you there?” What was I supposed to say??? I just hugged her real tightly and said reassuringly, “Oh Honey, you know your mommy was with you when you were born and that’s all you needed.” She looked at me and smiled thinking that I was referring to myself. Now DD knows that we went to China to get her, but she hasn’t really put the whole story together yet. She has been asking a lot of questions lately about her life as a little baby. There are so many things that I just don’t know since she was almost 2 years old when we got her. So far, I have been able to satisfy her curiosity, I know the questions and the answers will get more difficult as she grows older. I just pray that God will give me the right answers when the hard questions come.
She often tells me, “You are my best mommy in the whole world. I am so glad God gave you to me.” Of course, she has no idea of the complexity of this statement. I guess we will just take this one day at a time, keeping a tissue handy for moments like these.
DD was looking at a picture of me with a friend in New York. She asked, “Where am I in the picture? Was I in the car waiting or something?” I replied, “No, I think that picture was taken before you were born.” After a long quiet pause, she looked up at me and said, “No one was there when I was born, so I cried.” Not really knowing what to say I said, “Oh, I am sure that there was someone there when you were born.” She looked up at me with her deep brown eyes and asked, “Were you there?” What was I supposed to say??? I just hugged her real tightly and said reassuringly, “Oh Honey, you know your mommy was with you when you were born and that’s all you needed.” She looked at me and smiled thinking that I was referring to myself. Now DD knows that we went to China to get her, but she hasn’t really put the whole story together yet. She has been asking a lot of questions lately about her life as a little baby. There are so many things that I just don’t know since she was almost 2 years old when we got her. So far, I have been able to satisfy her curiosity, I know the questions and the answers will get more difficult as she grows older. I just pray that God will give me the right answers when the hard questions come.
She often tells me, “You are my best mommy in the whole world. I am so glad God gave you to me.” Of course, she has no idea of the complexity of this statement. I guess we will just take this one day at a time, keeping a tissue handy for moments like these.
4 comments:
OK~You got me going to the tissues THIS time, girly! My heart is right there with yours!!! We know these questions are coming, but when they do it is sooooooo complex and heart-wrenching. Praying WITH you! HUG.
I worry about those moments and being able to say the right things. I'm glad that you are writing about it so that maybe those of us who are coming up behind you as adopting mothers will know what to do. I worry about what age to address the adoption questions and how I can tell her that she was always destined to be my girl. It does take faith. I know that God is leading me to mother our daughter. He will show me the way to do it.
You know, Spicy Girl says things like, "I cried in China for you." I tell her, " I came as fast as I could." Oh these babies are so wonderful and precious. I hope they know how very special our families are, that God is responsible for putting us together.
BTW, my camera is dead. I will blog about it tomorrow as it is very late right now.
My son was 28 months when placed in my arms. He just turned 5. He is also starting to ask questions about when he was a baby. It is just so difficult to know what to say and how to say it. He has also been talking alot about whether he grew inside my body. These are tough, tough discussions, but he always seems more at peace after we talk.
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